Hangry seemed to be the bane of my existence. Looking back over the years of journaling, the same lament rang out. “Forgive me Lord for pigging out today.”
My body cried for food while my mind tried to resist. Anger consumed me because I couldn’t have my heart’s desire—unlimited food. Overweight and unhealthy, I begged God to free me as I continued in this insanity.
To my thinking, healing meant no hunger pangs and a carefree ability to eat in moderation. Certainly a miracle should unfold without effort on my part. I’m being a bit facetious and flippant in these comments because I know the lies and excuses we all make for our failures. I wouldn’t have been in this position if I could use selfcontrol. But after years of trying I was still in bondage to food.
A couple years ago I was reading about Bartimaeus, the blind beggar, meeting Jesus. Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
I’d read this passage in Mark many times, but now my eyes were opened to its possibilities.
Without hesitation I answered, “I want to be free from the bondage of food.”
“Go, your faith has healed you.” With astonishment, my spirit knew Jesus had granted my request.
I was not miraculously released from hunger. No change took place in my body. Instead, the eyes of my heart were opened to the meaning in Jesus’s words. He had done the miracle just as I asked. But I had to walk in it, in faith believing, making choices that aligned with my healing.
This has been a pilgrimage of ups and downs. The ups occurred when I remembered Jesus had given healing to my bondage. The downs occurred when I didn’t walk in that belief. It may just sound like so many words of positive thinking, but I could never continue a successful pilgrimage of healthy eating if I were walking in my own strength. Tried that, failed.
So how has my healing worked? I made a plan for success, as I’d done for years. But this time, the Holy Spirit actively reminded me of the Lord’s healing and my responsibility to walk in it. I began making intentional choices to turn away from temptation, remembering how grieved my spirit would be after giving in to a pig-out.
I remembered Jesus’s answer to my request. “It is done.” Then I was strengthened to walk in that truth.
My plan was nothing miraculous; moderate portions, limited sweets, eat at the table with TV off, no food after 7 pm. My success was slow. My appetite was still active. Many times I chased away being hangry with prayer and scripture. My soul would be strengthened with resolve to persevere in the journey. And my belief in the healing kept me walking in faith, with stumbles along the way, of course.
This past summer I was made aware of intermittent fasting, along with low carb eating. I already had developed tools and habits for healthy eating but my boundaries seemed too open, leaving me close to the brink of slipping off the wagon. I began researching and understanding how our fat burning bodies should work. I delved into a book called Fast. Feast. Repeat. by Gin Stephens. She gave insight and boundaries that elevated my healing to a place of freedom.
My plan for intermittent fasting of 18/6 began eight months ago—eighteen hours fasting with an eating window of six hours. I could never have imagined being able to stick to this. But it has worked well. My body has adjusted to this routine and I can generally follow through with the plan.
I‘m at my goal weight. My doctor was pleased with my lab work and encouraged me to continue on this path. I eat two meals a day with snacks. I can be as flexible as I need to be, but generally once the eating window is closed, I don’t consider breaking my fast. It’s good for my body, excellent for my soul.
Now when I’m hungry, I don’t despair. I know I have a six hour eating window coming where I can be satisfied. I’m healed from desiring food every waking hour. I rejoice that my burden has been lifted.
“Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16