“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing….this should not be.” (James 3:9-10 NIV) His anger rolls over me like a Mack truck, crushing me with its intensity. You go from zero to sixty in two seconds, I have said time and time again. Yet here we are. Don’t respond. I tell myself. What would Jesus do? I successfully bite my tongue, stand and leave the room. But his voice trails me down the hallway, it wafts angrily into the next room. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Engaging right now would be counterintuitive. This internal dialogue goes on for several minutes or maybe mere seconds before—almost with a will of its own—a retort spews from my mouth.
I justify that I’m not responding in anger, but merely trying to explain the situation as I see it. Or, better yet, trying to help him by pointing out all the reasons why he is over-reacting. Though I speak in reasonable, calm tones— only increasing my volume, because I want to make sure he hears me, of course—my words fuel the fire even further until He storms out of the house.
It is in the aftermath, and time in prayer, that I realize my culpability. Convicting scriptures echo in my mind: what comes out of our mouth reflects what is in our hearts… be quick to listen and slow to speak. I had felt an overwhelming need to be heard. Though anger didn’t drive my words, a selfish desire to defend myself did. They were neither edifying to him nor glorifying to God.
In my shame, I lean into God’s grace and mercy. Lord, fill me with your Spirit. Help me to bite my tongue, be quick to listen, and slow to speak. It is only through your divine power can I control this wayward tongue of mine. In Jesus name, Amen.